I begin to wonder
If I am exactly what you want
the dream you have had sketched out
since before you could remember
the eyes that you yearned for
the body that you wanted to hold
or just a body in front of you
Do you think about me all the time?
so much that it is almost parasitic
Am I an invasive species in your brain?
Do you take care to water me
and feed me
like a fruitful plant ready to bear life?
Ready to drink and to eat,
so happily wanting to be taken care of
to be able to grow
Do you wish to nurture me in this way?
or am I the cigarette you are offered
on the side of the street
that you cannot pass up?
am I the vodka in front of you
that will provide a surely
sweet high
a drunken daze that takes care of you
and your broken brain
that appeases you when you need it
maybe I could be tequila,
or rum
maybe even gin
a shitty light beer
Would you bat an eyelid?
Or am I your favorite?
Do you walk to the bartender
with only me on your mind,
or tell the bartender
make for me what you wish,
make me your favorite.
Do you even care that I am here?
Do you take me because you want to
or because I am there?
If it is not the case
and I was a figment of your imagination
come to life from your wildest dreams
Then why do I feel like a burden to you?
An afterthought?
Why couldn’t you have written me
down on paper
surely, assertively
why can’t you choose to be honest and patient
and forgiving and loving of me
all of the time
Why don’t you bring me inside
why do you refuse to bring me inside
why don’t you just get rid of me
I don’t understand
surely it is better to have
taken out the trash
than to leave it sitting there
to stare at.
it will start to scream in agony
I often feel like a houseplant you didn’t want
one that you leave outside because
you think that mother nature will take
care of me
I will find water somehow, somewhere
but I am getting too much sun
I am all by myself
you refuse to water me
Neglectful.
I am malnourished
I am so lonely
its stench is a cry out for help
surely it is better out of sight
and then out of mind
so why do you force me to sit here
with the little laborers always working overtime inside my mind
conjuring up ways
to make you love me a little more
to make you want to keep me
to bring me inside.
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