• By Aoife Arras (she/her)
  • Art “Delirium” by Nikita Podzolka (he/him)

I fell in love with
a piece of art in the
back of a storage
room
Covered in plastic
wrapping


with a label,
nothing
written on it


I picked it
up and put it
under my coat,
stealing it from
no one


I put it
under my pillow
during the day
Picked it up
every night
I stared at
it until
the paint
moved


into
exactly what I
wanted it to be


I dreamed about it until it
was a cloud
Hovering over my head
and always in my mind
I dreamed of ripping off the
plastic and painting on it
myself


I ran my nails along the
surface of its plastic skin
It recoiled at my touch—
all I wanted was to rip its heart
out
I wanted to break it in half, throw
it away
All I could do was wrap my arms
around its plastic presence at night

I imagined
painting it in my mind
Running my fingers along the already
painted parts
I longed to kiss the
crevices and
bumps until my
lips turned
numb


I want
to take
that


painting
and throw
it into the
water
Watch it melt
into a million pieces
for me
I want to put my hands
on its thin golden frame
To make it feel something
for me
I look deep into the eyes of
the painting
A gaze that painfully stares
back at me
I can’t help but think
they aren’t just a
painted gaze
I hang it
right


above
my
mirror
Where my
eyes can see it
and my body at the
same time
I spend hours just
standing there,
clutching flesh until it
bruises
Wondering what I
could look like if I
were a painter
And I could paint
myself so you
love me.