Rhinestones, glitter, sequins, send them my way! Blind the people around you with your bling. Think of yourself like a human disco ball! Start by interlacing your hair with rainbow tinsel. Take a bedazzle gun and stamp hearts on a hat. Embroider beads onto shirts. Hell! Hot glue plastic sequins on your shoes. Have fun with it! Be creative! Make your freckles out of rhinestones: pink, purple, and blue across your face.
Assemble rhinestones on your phone case. If you ever need
to bitch-slap someone, hit ’em with your sparkly phone! If
they’re lucky, they’ll be left sparkly too!
Better yet, scoop whole handfuls of glitter to throw at ’em. Chunky glitter is best. Buy a huge tub and line your pockets and purse. Be prepared to launch it straight into their eyes and watch as they cry glitter tears. If they’re not blinded by the
plastic, their own sparkly reflection will do the trick. Sparkly glitter eyeshadow is your war paint. Engage in sparkly warfare!
Down with the camo print; arise neon zebra stripes, or even
shimmering cheetah if you must maintain neutrals. Replace it all with something shiny. Dump glitter or Orbeez into the car of your enemy! Mix them together for an extra annoying revelation. They’ll be finding both for months. You know what they say: glitter is the herpes of the craft world!
Glitter bombs should be handled intricately. Be gentle unless you want to find yourself the target of your own attack. Either way, don’t be fearful of the mess! Accept the vision. Write your letters using only Sharpie glitter pens, the sparklier and messier the better. Even bedazzle a book! Take that cover and glue on sequins—it’s art on art!
Spray yourself with body glitter constantly, in an office space is best! Better yet, bring a small bottle and spray your nemesis. Send them off with a new look: pink and shiny. Rebel against the corporate world! Send out your resume on pink, scented paper. Don’t be pulled down by the monotonous, Times New Roman, size 12 font. Revolutionize the system! Sew sequins on your boss’s favorite tie he requested you take to the dry cleaners. Switch out your hand sanitizer for an extra sparkly version. When he’s forced to shake your hand, he’ll leave sparkly too!
Weaponize the shine! Never dull your sparkle; make it everyone else’s problem too. Embody the shine, the sparkle,
and the shimmer! ▲
