THE SANDMAN® branded Super Soaker©,
was an idiotic money grab
that aimed at people who didn’t know better.
It featured dual uptake valves,
a sand coated trigger (for extra grip!),
and the all-NEW Ultra-Pump Pressure System©,
Take that with a grain of sand.
A B-tier super villain at best
you’ll sell three.
One to the kids with a case of the gimmies,
and their parents with nothing left to say no.
One will get bought, never used,
and end up in a Goodwill bargain bin
after it never became collectors.
The last one will sit on the shelf
passed up because most people know better
& laughed at by teenagers infatuated with ripoffs.
It’s not their fault
Super Soakers© were built for fresh water,
that the dual uptake valves &
all-NEW Ultra-Pump Pressure System©
were never meant to withstand sand.
Nerf© knew the odds
were stacked against us.
Another tragedy.
How many more can we really take?
FINALLY, it will be sold,
to a kid that loads it up with fresh sea water,
and globs of beachy sand,
just for it to never shoot.
No one reads the fine print:
Do not load sand or non-potable water.
in the fold of the crumpled cardboard
Packaging lost long ago.
