You can’t really stop it, but once you think about it, you can’t stop that either. Sometimes I put it in a box, tucked in the back of my mind Somewhere littered with trash or treasures, depending on who you ask.
I don’t know how many things I open each day, I don’t even want to think about how many things we open each day. It has to go somewhere, nothing can be nowhere. It kind of reminds me of the word “sonder,” like the overwhelming realization that every person has their own rich life, full of stuff. Everyone has a toaster, a mattress, some of us have cars, and we all have phones. My Sonder-lust makes me sick when I think of all the stuff. Where does it all go?
I’ve seen the documentaries. I’ve spiraled and opened tabs and bags and stockpiled receipts in my passenger seat. I also chase those receipts down in parking lots when the wind picks them up, revealing my secret shame. I lurch over my passenger to stop them from flowing out, fistfuls stuffed into coffee cups to do my part. I guess it brings me peace, like I’m doing something good. I want to believe that the dozens of reusable bags in my pantry, overpriced rescued pieces in my closet, and Amazon shopping sparingly will be enough to rid me of personal responsibility.
It’s all so damn convenient though, or so we think. Convenient like the CVS or Walgreens you stumble upon just when you need it. Convenience stores: filled with things priced just enough to make you question what you deem a necessity. This is the way we live though and the way I was raised. Paper place settings at dinnertime when life and its downfalls become too much. A disposable table cloth splayed out at every family party to easily gather the mess, confetti still lingering in the corners of the kitchen long after. Obligatory happy meal toys that never stood the test of time anywhere past lunch. Scraping sticky price tags off the deals from discount stores I couldn’t afford to miss out on. These are life’s little comforts to get us through the day. Sometimes I pay a little more in hopes they’ll be long lasting and other times I pay for convenience, goddamn that receipt is long.▲
