I awaken drenched in sweat with a restless vitality that has overtaken my mind and my legs, both of which never cease to be at the ready.
It happens every day, and I try my best to cement myself where I lie-where I stand—with graceful patience. How that vitality stirs within the muscles in my legs, it is, indeed, quite disquieted.
My thoughts break free from their reins to run for miles and miles, traversing through obstacles, both imagined and not, in mere milliseconds; there is no placating this overriding sense of urgency that governs me.
2026: the year of the horse, and yet, I feel as though every year since the dawn of my existence has been represented by the horse.
Although, this horse is aflame and resembles some mythical, larger than life rendition whenever I stumble into a mirror amid a raging backdrop of flickering reds, oranges, and yellows.
I think it’s because I stared into the fire for so long it beckoned me to gallop through it, and so I did.
AND LIVED.
I became one with the flames, relishing the familiar whirl that is my impulsivity. It’s what brought me here, running and running forevermore.
It terrifies my mother and puzzles my father, but they don’t get it. They’re perfectly content with their bridles. Their masters sit proudly perched atop their backs, steering them wherever they please with brute and unrelenting force.
But this restless impulsivity that resides within me is exactly what has continued to breathe warm life into me
The bell of regret seldom tolls for me back at “home,” even when I’ve flown too close to the sun and right into a less-than-favorable outcome.
Even when I find I’ve been singed by the flames, I often lick my wounds only to repeat the dance again, because I know what awaits me at the end of this winding road of a journey.
Everything
Well, maybe nothing.
Or something.
Perhaps living. Choosing. Breathing.
What I know for certain is that this freedom will
always be mine.▲
